By Kiante Parris

05.08.25

Introduction

Being an adult is hard. Does it ever feel like your life is always going wrong? Like, no matter what you do or say, you are constantly self-sabotaging your life? That’s how I’ve been feeling lately. I could do it in many ways, like lying in bed and never moving again. Or feel bad for myself, or go completely out of my mind with worry that I will never recover from my self-doubt. But that’s not how I work. Everyone needs self-trust, and sometimes, it’s hard to keep your body from doing it. When I start dealing with those thoughts and feelings, I remind myself of some things.

1. It’s okay not to know the answer
2. Make a Promise with yourself
3. Speak to yourself like a coach
4. Use a journal or some other way to express yourself
5. Have fun every once in a while

These five things remind me that I am human and sometimes need to trust in myself.

It’s Okay Not to Have the Answer

It is entirely normal not to have the answer to everything. If we did, life would be a lot less interesting. Take a deep breath and remember that sometimes, not knowing the answer is not the end of the world. There are many ways to find the answer: studying, asking someone, or giving it time. Doing any of these things can result in the answer. Maybe not immediately, but it will come up eventually.

Make a Promise for Yourself

Creating something to live for helps with the negative thoughts. Harvard Business Review wrote ‘The Power of Small Wins.’ Those who find something and keep a promise to themselves, even the smallest ones, will increase motivation and help them be engaged in the workplace. Find a goal that you have been wanting to do for yourself. This could be learning a new skill, losing weight, or perfecting a hobby you already know. Just find something that will give you peace or happiness. Find something that will allow you to focus on. Finding small wins in life will reduce self-sabotage and self-doubt.

Speak to Yourself Like a Coach

Calling someone rude and having a negative attitude toward them doesn’t convince them to do better. So why would it work for you? Having a positive attitude and being nice to yourself will give you hope. It will remind you that you are worth the work and that no matter what, you will succeed. Be a coach who will encourage and give motivating speeches. Be disciplined and be able to know where your limit is. If you can continue to push, go for it. But be what you need to be successful.

Find a Way to Express Yourself

Being an adult is hard, especially when you don’t have enough time in the day for yourself. But finding time for yourself and expressing yourself efficiently and effectively helps reduce stress and gives you an outlet when needed. All you need is 15-20 minutes of writing in a journal, reading, or going on a run to help you feel better internally and externally. Find the time in your day to do what you need to do in life.

Have fun

Find time to have fun. This could be cheap or expensive, something you do often or have never tried. Whatever the case, find something that brings you joy. This will help you trust yourself and release the hormones needed to live. Go to a movie, play a game of basketball, or book a vacation. The world has so much to offer and many ways to relieve stress and trust yourself. You never know what might come of it.

Conclusion

These are just a few things that help me, and when I find myself going through a hard time, I take a deep breath and look at what I need. Whether it is a quick fix or something that will ensure more positivity and love in my life, what are some things that help you?

References

Amabile, Teresa M., and Steven J. Kramer. The Power of Small Wins. Harvard Business Review, May 2011, https://hbr.org/2011/05/the-power-of-small-wins.